Before I met you, I was asking the Divine to help me surrender
June 2022, by Viktoria Kshevinskaya
Before I met you, I was asking the Divine to help me surrender.
Surrender to the Divine Love, Divine Purpose and Divine Abundance, which come as a trinity, I knew that.
One is not possible without the other.
I was asking about help, support and guidance also. I was searching for all that outside.
I knew I am always loved and supported, but I felt a necessity to feel it on a deeper level.
When you came and I felt your undivided presence, I had chills.
I remembered you.
I knew it was you.
You asked me to surrender. I felt I would.
I asked the Divine who you are.
And I received the answer: it is him, but a lot needs to be done before that. Trust.
And that was the moment I received a huge download about reorganizing the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine as a Sacred Union within me as a purple ray through my Ajna, the third eye.
Something massive shifted inside of me and I knew I am stepping into a big cleanse and a new chapter.
I was not surprised you had a lot to share, you had a lot of gifts and knowledge I admire, as this is the only possible way to access me on a deeper level.
I asked you for help. You answered my call.
You could hear me telepathically, on a distance, without words.
I was surprised.
My human got scared of you. Something was off. My body was giving me signals, I disregarded them. I was courageous enough to step into the fear and embrace it.
We had a lot of deep conversations, where trust was built brick by brick.
And I felt so blessed. I felt you on a very deep level.
I am so grateful to you for holding my space during the cleanse I had with you and returning to my initial code, angelic human code. I was sure I was returning to my original code, as that was the intention I anchored, although you had a different agenda. I am grateful to you for being gentle, but fierce with me. For showing me your love and care on a deeper level, at lease so I thought in the moment. I was hoping that it was heart to heart.
I felt it. I felt it so much. And I felt safe. Protected and taken care of.
I do not usually allow people to do that. At that moment, I did.
When you shared your attitude towards a woman, saying that the union needs to built first, prior to stepping into intimacy and that a woman in an angel, a princess to be protected and adored, I felt we spoke the same language. I felt safe. I felt you would not cross my boundaries and you are here for a different reason.
You have done a lot of deep work with me, I didn’t know it was a dark healing. You helped me see where my illusion was and the wrong focus. I switched my perspective tremendously and instantly zoomed out and saw a different picture beyond the society programming and the limitations which I thought I had overcome already.
When you were asking me to touch your back and let you know what I felt, I didn’t know what you wanted. You didn’t tell me anything. First time I felt a lot of heat. But second time a lot of dense energies showed up and I was shocked.
When I got deeper into that in a meditation and felt on a deeper level what it was, I had that vision of me stubbing you with a dagger. At that moment I knew for sure it was me, it was me in a different timeline and I was the only one to get it out. When I got into that feeling I felt all that density.
I felt that fear and how horrified I was, I felt you chocking me, I felt your anger, I felt your rage.
The feeling was so intense.
I knew it might have been me, but not necessarily my soul, but the collective soul representation. Lack of ability to listen. Jealousy. Mistrust. Lack of emotional intelligence. Closed heart. Fear. Abandonment. Suppression. Manipulation. Control. Inability to speak your truth. All that I felt so deeply.
I took your sword out. I knew I was the only one who could do that.
When I did I saw the wound being covered with gold and then all your body started being golden and healed instantly. It was such a blissful experience. I knew exactly what I was doing, although I’d never done that before in a human life.
Next time we met, I asked you about that pain and anger and how you handle that, and you shared that this pain is a profound reminder for you: When you feel it, it is time to transform to something else. And the biggest wisdom is to remember about that in the right moment.
That day you showed me so much care. I felt a very strong connection with you. I felt so much love.
But also that day you tried to cross my boundaries in a very fierce and scary way.
I was so shocked. I experienced the same kind of fear I had metaphysically when I worked with your sword, and I knew that if I had a sword I would use it. It was so intense.
Of course, it was an exchange and a projection of one another, the mix of all the energies together, the mix of all the collective trauma and the pain. The manifestation of the deepest fears.
I was shocked to discover my own inner strength, when I jumped on you and stopped you.
I was shocked to realize that although yes, I am submissive and let you lead, I cannot be forced or pushed and I know my value, and I would stay in my dignity honoring my heart and body.
But at the same time my heart cracked open.
I did not want it to be happening this way. I wanted to love you on a deeper level, beyond the human construct. I wanted to be devoted to you, I wanted to feel your depth. And at that moment I felt it was not you. I got so scared and so triggered. I got so disappointed. I saw you from a different side. I saw a bigger vision.
I realized that the only one we can trust and must learn how to listen to is ourselves. Everyone one else is here temporary. Everyone else is a teacher, a guide, a messenger. God speaks to us through lots of different ways.
I stepped aside. I could not continue talking or being a part of a mutual vision. I got mentally disturbed.
But at the same time. I kept being very attracted to you. I didn’t know I was mind controlled already. But this energy dropped into a different place. Before that it was pure devotional heart space love, but then it dropped into sacred. It got that strong shadow aspect of desire and fear mixed up together. Animal instinct of hormonal cocktail.
You showed me how dirty it can get, where there is no respect, although where there is a choice to stop it at any time.
It was not what I wanted for sure.
While all this was happening, I was constantly reminded that what we are going through is not limited to our humans, it is a manifestation of the collective energies, distortion and ancestors’ trauma. We are learning how to see beyond the human drama and beyond the emotional swing attached to that. We are learning divine forgiveness, we are learning how to see deeper and grow from that.
It was healing.
My desire hasn’t gone away. It got transformed. I felt such a deep longing to you with every cell of my being.
But again it was not necessarily limited to your human, it was beyond that, it is my longing as a feminine to be in a sacred union with deep understanding, where I am seen and felt and appreciated and celebrated along with our deep divine love which comes from the heart space, which was ignited and allowed to be seen for what it truly is without the suppression or any limitations.
My ideas of relationship might have been influenced a lot by the society programming, I don’t mind changing my attitude and seeing a bigger picture. I feel strong and stable in my devotion to the LOVE itself, which I see as a path rather than a temporary stop.
I am very grateful for the beauty and the lessons.
I surrender without any attachment to the outcome.
I admire you for your strength, wisdom and vision.
Now it is time to find a different type of ME from inside.
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More details about this story will be presented in my personal life story on the main blog.
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