A Year ago I burnt my altar
May 2023, by Viktoria Kshevinskaya
I was always driven to put things together in my own way. To cut pictures I like from journals and magazines, to write out the quotes, which resonated with me, to bring cards and geometries together from different places, to collect stones, crystals and shells, dry fruit and seeds. I had a lot of those kind of valuables always.
A year ago I was quite lost. I was experiencing a dark night of the soul, I was completely disappointed with what was happening inside of me and outside as well as a result. In terms of business I was still making old offerings to my clients, the offerings I was no longer passionate about, and I could not figure out, why the energy was not there. I thought I had to choose between kids and adults (in the end, just as it has always been, I chose BOTH). But at that point I was quite confused, without proper direction.
My masculine energy was wounded, suppressed and as a result I couldn’t accomplish things.
I had other times of my life, when I was very much in my masculine, but when I started my healing journey, I was learning about my feminine energy, about the Goddess within, and I dropped to a different polarity.
I was thinking, that I needed a man. A man to help me get my business running, to help me to sort everything out, to just give me that structure.
In fact I had to find that man from within, as all the men who were attracted to me at that point were in wounded feminine energy, which led me to even more disappointment and confusion.
I wanted to run a conscious relationship container for my business, but I thought I needed a man to help me do that, the man came, but despite the viking look he had, so big and what seemed conscious, wise and what looked like strong, he was very much in the feminine energy, and if we wanted to run business together, I had to give that masculine structure, which I didn’t have myself.
By that time, the Divine Feminine Energy Embodiment was my journey, I already learnt how to honor my Goddess, how to prioritize my body and energy. And was refusing to settle for less.
I was dating some men just to be even more disappointed, I was hoping that someone will save me, will rescue me from that tower with the dragon. But the men got burnt. The dragon was strong. He was protecting me so much, that no one dared to come too close.
But once someone strong tried to make an attempt.
I was spending a lot of time in front of my altar. I was studying, I was learning Buddhism, reading sutras and mantras, I studied Tantric Arts, I was learning Mayan Cosmology and trying to memorize things which didn’t land easily. I had A LOT OF INFORMATION from multiple sources, from here and there, from different frequencies, mixing everything together in a melting pot, trying to find that missing piece of puzzle.
I was exploring different Goddesses, I was learning how to manifest things (obviously I was manifesting money and a King, preferably a King with money), I was learning about frequencies and was very fascinated by multidimensionality. In personal journey story I talked more about that.
But then I met that dark healer. He suggested that I should disconnect from all the frequencies. I had never done it before. I felt a very strong pull to reset. To remove everything that no longer needed to be here.
I took almost all the pictures, geometries, my emotional release drawings, diaries, journals and even some clothes into a big fire in my garden. Before I burnt it all, I packed things and was sitting in that emptiness. I felt naked. And even before that I lost my main crystals. That healer was running a ritual on me and I was scared, I took my main big crystals into my hand to be able to focus on my heart (one of them was a heart opening key I used for my work with clients), he took them from me and put into a tea cup. When the ritual was over I myself spilt the water with the crystals out of my window.
Of course, as those were 500$ crystals, I was searching for them, I couldn’t believe it had happened. For many months my hand remembered me doing that every time I spilt the tea out of my window. You know, when I am running a tea ceremony, I need to pour out some water.
So, bare without my crystals protection, without pictures, geometries, goddesses, metaphorical cards - nothing, I was sitting in my empty room watching the energy. The dark goddess was at play in my space. She was very devastated. Very angry, very emotional. The air had lots of tension.
The reason I got connected with that dark healer, was because I was searching for help outside and I felt he was strong. There were other people involved, I was not the only one, and more over a good friend of mine introduced him to me, although I did not know he was already lured. So I felt kind of safe in a way. I didn’t fully trust, but because of my friend’s presence I felt I could surrender.
I burnt everything. All of it. Everything I once valued. Everything I cared about over the last maybe 5 years. Everything that could have potentially be affected by wrong teachings and wrong energies. But I didn’t know what was the right ones.
There were a few galactic things I lefts. I also kept my Buddhist things. I had to have some crutches to recover.
After the fire I dropped into the void.
Yes, I realized that all those metaphorical card, affirmations, information, teachings and “morning routine entertainment” were misleading me from fully stepping into my blossom.
I have nothing against metaphorical cards, taro cards and stuff like that, I was very good at that. But I realized I am bigger than that. My senses are much more clear without anything.
I missed my crystals. Of course I didn’t have money to invest into new ones, so I just got some tiny ones. In the end it is not so much about the crystals themselves, it is more about the energy, the feelings and the intention.
That dark healer was trying to make me work for him, he was gaslighting my visions and making me very confused. But in the end I had strength to choose myself.
And it was interesting that, that was the moment when I disconnected from everything, all the past versions of myself, everything that I once loved and had gratitude to, but also had some resistance for - had to leave my space. And from that emptiness I had to find myself. My true self. I had to be reborn. Completely. Fully. Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes.
When the dark healer attacked me, I found the masculine energy within me. And not just the dark masculine as before. I found Divine Masculine within. The protector, the warrior, the leader, the provider. The guy who is able to hold space. The guy who is so amazing.
At the same time after this great shift I met my current partner and our DNAs got recalibrated and proper understanding of the conscious relationship was set up in my consciousness.
We no longer want to be victims or victimizers. We no longer want to play those games. We choose to show up fully for each other to fully bloom and we choose to navigate the love, the triggers, the contracts, the trauma, the projections and the reality as whole.
At the same time I met my current mentor with the community of beautiful angels, and we together started our spiritual journey though supporting each other.
You have everything you need within you. But sometimes it takes time to unlock it, it takes time to unpack it. When you have a mentor supporting your journey, you have someone who is not emotionally involved into your problem, and thus can see clearly, what the situation truly is. This can be very helpful for business, relationship, health issues. Pretty much anything is life.
We have everything within us. But it take courage to step forward. Courage and dedication to the process. But you are never alone. There are people who are willing to support you. Who are here for you. Who want to see you bloom.
The funny thing is that my community has always been there, even my partner - I knew him for many years, but I did not see them as such due to my own projected limitations.
Deconstruction process is not easy. But so worth it.
Coming back to your zero point allows you to address your trauma, to step into your blossom, to grow and expand and evolve very quickly.
By the way, the Buddhism had to leave my life also. After about 6 months I ran Inner Teacher Activation Workshop and after that all the previous teachings left me, allowing me to unlock what has always been inside of me.
It was a powerful process. And the current chapter is called EXPANSION.
I am excited what is to come. I am open-hearted. I am radiant and willing to support others.
As in the end we are nothing but one.
Do you need a recalibration?
You deserve abundance
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